Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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