My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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