Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
