you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize