Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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