Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
