I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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