He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's even glitter on my cock...
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