Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
