I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
