we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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