Redeem this text for a blowjob
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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