i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
