I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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