i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You don't make any sense
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