I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
