Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
