Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
