Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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