I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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