3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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