What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
