The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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