Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
