It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
