I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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