so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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