i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im about as happy as oj after his trial
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
