1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
being pregnant is like rehab
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
