Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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