Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
