Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
