Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
