The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize