She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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