Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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