I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
