What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
