never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't deserve a penis
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
