JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
