My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
