Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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