i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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