Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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