No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize