we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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