I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
