...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
