Is it because I queefed?
He passed out mid-signature
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
