you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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