I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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