everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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