addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize