No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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