walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
