i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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