I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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