Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
