it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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