we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize