we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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