I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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