when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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