He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
